a bizarre night

And a bizarre night it was.

A party with 100 or so invited to a dress up night to celebrate the aging of 50 years. What a legend! 3 attempts  later I had my face finished with no idea what it was going to turn out like. Along with my partner who loves an outing of a good time and my pet, to the party premises we went.

As we walked in, the aura I felt left me dumbfounded, lol, mmmmm..... Many of the attendees braved a costume or two and ideas were flowing with creativity. It was a colourful affair and typical of the Guest of Honour.

Pete ;)

Those first few steps walking into a place where, at first, we had fears of being the only ones dressed up except I knew Pete and Shana ;) and feeling  as though everyone stopped to see who walked in the door with with THOSE costumes!!

King Kong, Cyndi Lauper, Someone
&
Handsome

Cyndi & Someone

                             

The more I walked in, the more I didn't seem to know or maybe recognize familiar faces. Whilst there were many new faces, so many went to the effort of going with the theme of simply 'fancy dress'.  It felt bizarre!  It must have made Pete really enjoy his night. There were new friends, there were old friends, some in between, not to mention family. 

This was the first time Shana and Pete were going to meet my new partner and it was behind a mask lol. My man and I enjoyed dressing up crazy together, then going out on a bizarre evening with out pet King Kong. It brought a lot of laughs. Thanks for a great night guys, Shana and Pete......and Danny too xxx 

A quick flash upon arriving
home before saying
 'Goodnight'

I heard parenting was hard and it certainly is sometimes but what do you do when there appears to be nothing you can do? Whilst I believe my kids are quite lucky it doesn't stop me feeling a deep sadness for the frustrations that life serves them. I have no idea how to take away past pains and worries they face as a part of their every day living. Or how can I express myself when I'm the rock they rely on so much to get them through.

I feel forgotten in my own world of sorrow although I know that's not true. In all honesty, my kids are fairly good, I have a wonderful partner, a reasonably good job with others less fortunate than me, I even have some good friends so why do I feel my emotions are forgotten? Guess there are times that a person can only be human and can only take so much therefore emotions are strong however they will pass under the flipside of happiness. It's not that bad.......

A forgotten blog

This was a  old blog I had writen some time back...thought I might post it anyway.....


It was all I could do but to drag my body to bed even though I wanted to be so desperately there. It just seems to hard. In saying that I also remember I'm not the only one that feels that way. Time has passed since Noah went on a different journey and less time since his father Aaron went on the same journey.

With all the support that is given there are times that no matter how many share the pain of loss, there are times when you feel alone in your own grief. I often think of the closest people to  the ones who are now not here and their solo experiences in grief. It always leaves me at a loss as to what to say.....so I say little.....til now....maybe.....I'm thinking and writing as I go.

I haven't writen on my blog for a while. Time seems to be a problem. I was thrown off guard when I found out I actually had to go to work when I thought there was still another day off. Man! Got over it but tomorrow I will be returning to work at the school where I spent all my time with Noah for  the last 6-7 years. He is now no longer with me to work and play with. Instead there is a garden with gorgeous bright flowers and a seat to match : ).  I will be happy to take my traveller of coffee and sit on the seat and chat to whoever goes by. Think I'll do that on Wednesday when the kids are there too.

This year I will be taking on new challenges with a new student. I'm looking forward to what I can bring my student however I also feel like I might cry. That will be ok though, there is suport for me there. Noah will always be with me while I continue to work at the same school. Mind you, he had me questioning if I wanted to continue doing the same work. Whatever I was going to do, it wasn't with Noah, so not the same. I'm now going on realising 'of cors it's not the same' but somebody else needs me  to work and guide them along another journey.

I also suport another client frequently who is another individual person with needs. When looking into the eyes of those who need  suport from me, another individual story gets told.  Happiness, frustration, pain, cheekiness all go through the eyes of my clients.  I'll never forget looking into Noah's eyes, they were like chocolate......

It's a new year with new things and one can only move on so that life can be happy  with different adventures. Doesn't mean anyone forgets who is important in their lives.......like me lol. Just after Noah passed away, I met somebody who brought me happiness in a different way, didn't replace anybody, just a totaly new experience.  I'm thankful for his presence in my life as it made my grief for Noah more bareable.

My heart has also ache for the loss of Aaron and for Lisa and her family's loss more so. I put myself in their position many times over . It brakes my heart and I wish I could click my fingers and make it go away for everyone. As I wander to Noah and Aaron's place of rest, I look around at all the other people who were loved the same way by someone who has been or is going through the same grief.  I only know 100% how I feel but I can only imagine how they feel.